Hobbs & Shaw: Almost three hours of cockfighting

What seems to be a nostalgic buddy action comedy (or that´s what David Leitch thinks) from the eighties, only reveals the tiring and downright humdrum of this franchise with flaccid attempts to modernize it.

Warning: SPOILERS

A big accomplishment I have to give this movie is being a bit more tolerable than the dull and stupid trainwreck that was The Fate and the Furious, but that isn’t much for this new adn loooong installment. Since Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham are not enough to save it, with the first one being overexposed (not bringing anything new) and the second has yet to fit in this universe at all.

The buddy comedy structure is so trite to the most meticulous detail: the two guys fighting each other for being to awesome and the work alone, until they get along and learn how to work together in the most forced friendship that makes Boss Baby´s relationship complex. A first act with lots of exposition using a bunch of terms and themes the writers don’t seem to understand, adding them probably because they thought it sounded cool. A badass female character who is so strong and independent but bland and filled with tropes of pop feminism, that doesn´t stop both males from fighting over her (while also talking about how awesome she is, as if that makes this dynamic less sexist).

Then we have Idris Elba in his worst performance i´ve seen from him, clearly not finding the right tone, a mixture of a bland Terminator villain and a saturday morning cartoon, it almost kind of feels that he doesn’t know what to with the “character” he was given. The rest of the cast is not worth mentioning, even Ryan Reynolds´s cameo (there are a lot of them) who is one of the least bad things ends up trying to be Deadpool but ends up as one if his failed action comedies.

One detail I really hated from the last movie especially, was the “family is important” theme, here is played out mostly from Hobbs relatives relationships. Not going into much detail but the movie tries to tied up culture in this. And we again have such insulting cliches as: mother who unites everyone by beating (HAello again chancla! Missed you from Coco); the brother who hates our main character from, get this, denouncing their criminal father (the horror I know). The big family that lives like low class but somehow have a business of luxury cars (all legal apparently). And my personal favorite: “Tech will never beat heart”, yeah it’s not like this movie made with a lot a tech but not enough heart, whatever that term means in this context.

Mile 22 – Movie Review

Disturbingly watchable

Mile 22 is not a good movie but It’s not a terrible one either as the reviews are saying. Its way to low on RT and, I don’t know why I need to defended but, at the same time I see the issues.

The biggest one is of course the editing. It’s a movie that is kinda hard to watch because there are cuts and cuts all the time, the shots are mostly weird close-ups, not to mention some of the characters are yelling and are very coarse, especially Wahlberg who can get pretty irritating fast. But, interestingly that might be the point, disturb and dizzy us, showing how the titular character might feel about all of this situation around him, if this was intentional It might be something. Unfortunately there is no real character development or a decent plot to sustain this supposed stylistic choice.

Some of the special effects look cheap, I mean, this looks more like for a streaming film in several occasions than for theaters, the action scenes are decent and score is… there I guess.

The first half especially boring, lots of exposition, character moments that go nowhere and setups to plot points that are not strong enough to keep you invested. The second part however gets a bit better, the over the top chasing scenes are entertaining and give some tension to the characters.

Both Uwais and Wahlberg give strong performances for tokens basically, and Iko is kind of wasted in this. I’m not going to lie his action scenes seem amateurish for someone who is a professional martial arts performer. Mark in the other hand is the rude american macho and he knows how to play it well, yes, he can be very irritating but I feel it’s more of a problem with the script, we needed a bit more about his character and how he deals with his condition, yeah we have that as well. Everybody else is on “who cares?” mode. And this is yet another twist ending movie… at this point I’ll give it a pass.

At the end while it could be just a popcorn film, but’s its undeniable that could’ve been a more interesting and stronger film. Not worth for cinemas, if want to give it a chance wait for it on Netflix.

Museo – Movie Review

Alonso Ruizpalacios tends to fall to the second kind of filmmaking in Mexico, similar to The Untamed (La Región Salvaje) by Amat Escalante, the one that tends to much more intellectual, more authorial and “artistic”, but sometimes comes as snobbish. But even at its worst they tend to be better than commercial films from the country.

Museo is loosely based on a bizarre & real acnedote: in the 80s, after the Mexico City earthquake in 1985, a group of burglars stole some Mayan artifacts from a Museum. A couple weird events happen and finally they return them all to the authorities, becoming one the most incredible urban legends in Mexico at the time.

Now this movie is not meant to be an accurate representation of the events, since there aren’t a lot known details about what happen in between the stealing and the returning. So the director decides to create a fictional story and characters to enhance a series of themes about society, culture, preservation and identity. Even if this an interesting take, unfortunately the movie falls short due to this.

The movie goes mostly with a lecture based on post-colonial theories about americans and europeans taking advantage and “stealing” historical artifacts from colonized countries such as Mexico. In this case, the Mexicans and their sense of identity with history and its symbols being stolen this time by two stupid kids who wanted be edgy. Gael Garcia Bernal plays one of them, and I find the subtext on his character kind of compelling most of the time, to some degree I felt this was a commentary on people from middle/upper-middle class who are into protecting one’s national identity from the oppressive world of imperialism, so he tries to steal this artifacts to “show them”, while he also tries to sell them to a foreigner buyer. Its by this experience that he now starts to understand the reality of the world, how its not as idealistic as he though and that sometimes we are just young and stupid to not know how the world works.

So the first thing that might come to your mind is that Gael Garcia is a 40 year old playing a collage student in his twenties, alongside his friend. This is weird at first but at the same time plays with the “style” the movie is going for. You see, the film language behind the whole thing is mix of different elements: mockumentary camera angles, meta references, shaky camera, off sound, etcc. And even if this gives the film an endearing vibe to it, it ends up to being very pretentious and not warranted at all.

However the film does manage to have some beautiful scenery and great concepts, but it falls under all these pretenses with a hand full of god awful dialog, especially on the first half and average acting. So it becomes tideus from this part of the movie, not to mention that almost none of the characters are likable in any way.

Example (not an actual dialog from the movie, but its on the type):

• Hey, have you take the trash bag our?
• Yeah dude, I have take the trash bag out.

 

Museo, becomes another nice try to be something a bit more interesting than the average commercial Mexican film but the end it falls for the same checklist for pretentious authorial movies.

The Wizard of Oz: Beauty, Color and lots of men crying

The last time I saw this classic was around 2002 in school, and left on impression on me since I saw the colorful world of Oz. Now in 2018 I feel this movie´s relevance is not going anywhere since it may be the most thankly needed movie right now.

A movie like TWoO seems to be much more based on emotions than plot, not that there isn’t any but it’s still quite simple, it’s all about the journey and getting to know the setting and the characters a completely escapist film. And is also one the first and one of the great uses of the new “technicolor”. But unlike some other films where they would use this as a gimmick -just like with sound- here color is its own character or to put it in a less ideal way, a narrative device.
We are presented with the monotone life of Dorothy Gale (shown in monochrome) who sees an injustice act against her and her dog that has been built in the past, then wishes to be in a different place where she could avoid all her problems. This finally happens as she enters to this new and wonderful place, soon or after she discovers this world has its own problems and more than anything this isn’t her “place”. At the end, no matter how sometimes bad things happen, there is no place where you´ll feel as secure and happy as home.

But you already know this, it’s seems so obvious right? So i’ll write about that impressed me about the movie: The male characters.

This is a 1939 film where most of the popular male characters where the typical macho archetype: stern, manly, violent, dominant, etc. Now in my case this isn’t necessarily bad, but its was kind of interesting to see a film -although aim at kids- where the male characters have desires more unconventional or at least shown in a different perspective. It’s no surprise that Baum (the author of the series of books that the movie is based off) had some feminist background in his works, and that they are filled with it, even as an adaptation this is still quite present in the film. Most of the mayor power roles are female, the main character is female who wins the day not by “fighting”, but with her compassion and empathy for others, but returning to the original point.

First we have the Scarecrow who wants a brain, he seems to underestimate himself and doesn’t realize his full potential since he is the most intelligent character of the group in the film, its the wizard who rewards him with a degree diploma and where he realizes his smart enough. When it comes to masculine traits wanting to be intelligent, have ideas and create “things” seems to be pretty common especially on rural or low class men -which some have link him to farm people- he is also the bravest and isn’t afraid of anything except fire and yet he feels “hollow” inside. We also had the constant theme of always asking for help and expressing your needs starting with him.

With the Tin Man we go a little more on deconstruction, he wants a heart as he is no more than a machine with no other purpose than to do his task, but all he desires is to “feel” and love, and be sentimental about everything, meaning he should already have a heart. But as Oz said it, a Heart isn’t about how much you loves others but rather how much the others love you. Is he willing to inspire love in others? This idea got me going as most male heroes inspire braveness, assertiveness, leadership but, how many of them are being told that they need to inspire love on the rest? Almost none since that would be seen as effeminate. Its fascinating that the reason there is always a love interest in movies is because the male character – the hero- needs someone to share his feelings towards and even with that it’s kind of stretch. Few movies go on the whole men loving others with non-romantic, non-family approaches. In recent days i’ve seen a ton of guys, criticizing modern hollywood movies for their portrayal of the male characters because they cry or have empathy, and say “why can’t they let a man be a man?” They clearly mean gender roles, I sort of talk about this in my review for the film Death Wish.

And finally the Cowardly Lion, which should be the most obvious. His introduction scene says it all. He scares our heroes and even attempts to brawl them untils Dorothy stops him and starts to cry. All he wants is to have the nerve and be brave, witch he accomplishes not by acting “tough” but by saving a friend. This is more remicent of bullies and in our case men who seek to act in certain patterns to showcase their masculinity. There is a misconception about the term “Toxic Masculinity” and what it means. They attack the term by using examples such as guys in particular male soldiers who save others from various situations but here’s the thing: saving, protecting and taking care of others is not a form of toxic masculinity. What it actually is a having a set of behaviors that are damaging to others and one’s self in other to prove just how much of a man you are.

Like with Oz, which uses his ticks to create the illusion of being powerful and terrifies others in other to gain power and “respect”. But as always nothing can be further from the truth and its revealed that his is a scam, and yet not a bad man simply one that has failed. And there isn’t anything wrong by failing. This is where his now finds ways to close his deal and give what our heros want -which is mostly moral support-.

So that is my take on this -quite simple honestly- I had to rewatch this movie three times to experience the sound, image and sound-image of it. And while there is a lot of history with this film for many reasons, and its kind a miracle since it had so many directors and issues. I felt kind invested on the characters and what they might represent and how our beloved child icons are representations of a masculinity that is rare in non-children fiction: kindness, empathy, sensitivity and an open heart. While i’m not going to trash on characters that fall on the typical manly traits -they also have their fascinating points- it was quite refreshing to see an old favorite now as an adult and discover some details that I wouldn’t notice not just on different age but in a different political viewpoint.

The New Oscar category

So the hottest take on Hollywood and the film industry right now is the newest addition to the Academy’s line of awards: the “Most popular film” award. Basically it will be covering movies that are actually viewed by mass audiences instead of most nominees with tend be watch by so little.

I’ve seen numerous takes on this and I feel I need my own interpretation on this thing.

There is a huge problem and concerns with the members at the academy, the concept of “popular” and finally the “elitism of art”.

How did we get here?

Well, it’s no surprise that the ratings have dropped a lot in recent years for… diverse reasons. Firstly, is has become a long & boring event, with lots of death space, a red carpet with almost no glamour, musical segments that aren’t memorable or fun to watch.

Another issue is of course the overused political speeches. I mean, besides the popular belief ALL films are political, but there needs to be some kind of subtlety because in recent years there has been nothing but pandering and fake altruism, oh god does it show, okay, we all hate Trump, can we move on to something at least for today?

And finally there is the discussion on the nominees themselves, each year there are less mainstream films in top categories, I mean for the technical ones they’re always there, but let’s be for real: unfortunately almost no one cares about them.

And since there is not a possible way these mainstream films will get more recognition, due to them being hated by members of the Academy (we’ll get into that later), they decided to include this infamous category to appease the masses to see if their favorite movie of the year gets an award.

The concept of “popular”

One of the biggest issues with this category is the name itself: “Popular”, what the living hell does that supposed to mean? I would have prefered “mainstream” or “blockbuster”, but going on with this term seems a bit degrading.

Similar with the Animated feature category (boy, I have a lot to say about that one!) it feels as a flaccid attempt to not only appeal to a wider audience but also strip these from the possibility of getting nominated for Best Picture, and don’t compete with the “real” and “artistic” films (again we’ll get to that later), as I said it ends up being distasteful.

Next is: how do we measure popularity? Obviously with box office, that seems like a no brainer. But this will also mean that only Disney movies can achieved the award, not necessarily a bad thing but then again, Disney is already in bad spot thanks to Animated feature Award. The other thing is to measure popularity with social media or votes by the public, but this will not only mean that it’s a more of a MTV award but also that not very good movies can get a chance such as Transformers or Fifty Shades of Grey.

And as some have pointed out, does this mean that award winners are not popular? That seem to be accurate but also kind of pathetic don’t you think? But I know what some of you might say: mass audiences might like a movie but they don’t have taste or don’t know anything about filmmaking, also that I would be weird for a movie like Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 wins to win an Oscar (if that movie gets made in the first place after all the buzz), which I don’t think is necessarily a bad thing and all of this leads us to…

The elitism of art

Or in this case in filmmaking, is not surprise that most of the members of the Academy HATES these movies and pretty much every other mayor film festival or awards ceremony.
Why? For a lot of reason: that they’re nothing special, they just appeal to the dump masses, they only exist to sell money, the violate real art films, etc. Well then I might have  some news for all of you.
Aside from the fact that film festivals have recently received a lot of criticism due to their pics and how they aren’t very good (i’m not diving into that, that’s a discussion for another day), guess what movies were also commercial: The Godfather, 2001: A space Odyssey, The Shining, Casablanca, Citizen Kane, Vertigo, Scarface, Pulp Fiction, Godfellas, Jaws and some many other landmarks of cinema. They had an artistic intent sure, but also a strong commercial one. Some of them due to the elitist mindset of the members weren’t even nominated in the first place!

Let’s take a look of the recent winners of best picture since this decade…

2010. Winner: The King’s Speech.
Nominees: 10/10 It’s worth pointing out, this was the last day we had ten nominees, since then the max. has been nine, I’ll give some time to guess why that is.
Anyway TKS a not bad movie perse, but does anyone remember it? At least five of this years nominees have been much more influential than this one, especially since two of them are highest grossing movies of the year (Inception and Toy Story 3, both more influential than TKS), but it’s a british drama so that’s enough, I suppose.

2011: Winner. The Artist.
Nominees: 8/10
Again a not a bad movie, but one that no one talks about now and was against dramas for the most part, I guess it was at least a silent movie (and rather unfortunate that Jean Dujardin hasn’t done much in hollywood since). There was discussion about Harry Potter at the time, as well as Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. But instead we had turds such as The Help or War Horse (both with underwhelming scores in RT) and the infamous Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close the absolute worst Best Picture disaster since Crash.

2012. Winner: Argo
Nominees: 9/10
It’s undeniable that Ben Affleck it’s an interesting director, although his career has downhill since this. But again are people talking about it? I know I’m repeating myself but it was against mostly dramas, except for maybe Django and Les Miserables. The Avengers and Skyfall could have been commercial as hell but definitely much more interesting films than Silver Linings Playbook (which give Jlaw her questionable Best Actress award) for example.

2013. Winner: 12 Years of Slave.
Nominees: 9/10
Okay so this movies has been somewhat influential… if you live in North America (that isn’t Mexico), the topic surrounding slavery its own debate that is not the point of this post. So we have Her, Gravity and The Wolf of Wall Street (the best of bunch imho) and then your Philomena, Captain Phillips and American Hustle, again these are not necessarily bad movies but they kinda feel like more of the same. But since this year’s box office smash hits list it’s mostly garbage I’m willing to give this year a pass.

2014. Winner: Birdman
Nominees: 8/10
So we have Whiplash, Selma, Boyhood and The Grand Budapest Hotel, pretty strong year as people still talk about them. But what stop them to include Gone Girl, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Captain America: The Winter Soldier and even The Lego Movie? (that one wasn’t even nominated in best animated category mind you) Hell, even Guardian of the Galaxy was certainly a much more exciting pic than The Theory of Everything and The Imitation Game, oh I’m sorry “but they are artsy movies” (since when exactly?). And it was only eight entries, why make the limit to ten when you are not taking advantage of it?

2015. Winner: Spotlight
Nominees: 8/10
I’m not even going to dive too much on this one, it’s the most boring and safest pick ever in recent Academy history. That fact that this beat Mad Max: Fury Road (at least it was nominated), a films that has even to this day keep people exiting to discuss and analyze is beyond me.

2016. Winner: Moonlight
Nominees:9/10
The whole debate between this movie and La la land makes my skin crawl as neither of them are that great, we have another movie that nobody will talk about in the following years, and at least the entries of this year a bit more diverse, besides your typical drama picks.

Last year nominees have been somewhat of an improvement over the previous years, but at the same time pretty safe. The Shape of Water is another highly political drama picture that at least has a fantasy element so it’s not a boring choice like Spotlight. Again what made the academy not chose Logan to part of the category is something so obvious and yet insulting as to figure out why that happen.

So as you can see, the majority of films praised by the Academy are not that high art or concept, they just follow a list of traits that the members tend to like the most. That’s why we don’t have a lot of comedies, Sci-FI, Animated, Blockbusters or Happy musicals in this category,  for them these are meant for the dumb masses or pretentious nerds not the baby boomers who still think drama is the only way to go.

If only the “artsy” movies go on the nominees, the whole Best Picture category will be filled with experimental art house films, that’s clearly not the case.

Bottom line, I highly doubt this category will survive the next year, let alone the rest of this one. Especially since Infinity War has been one of the best movies of the year which is both kind of cool and sad, oh no, my elitist assholery is rising again!

The Fifty Shades of Grey series and the need for a structure.

Fifty shades of Grey, more like Fifty shades of incompetence.

Recently I sat thru the whole FSoG film trilogy, and more than horrible i thought it was… an experience. Not so much about sexuality or relationships or pretty much anything that is the conversation about it in the first place.

But more about structure and narrative in film and how the somewhat controversial three act structure is hugely important not just to place plot elements better, to showcase character development or to just simply give these movies some sort of purpose to just exist.

The three act doesn’t just exist as a “formula” or filter for stories to fit on the hollywood industry, but it is considered as the one that mostly resembles the way people tend to tell stories: beginning, middle and end.

And maybe there is the debate about films that avoid that story structure, but let’s be honest. FSoG was not made by Berman or Truffaut to have that distinction. The fact that as hollywood films don’t even have that makes the whole experience of watching them very frustrating.

I must clarify that I haven’t read the books, so i’ll mostly based my opinion on the films and it’s not like is too hard to see the whole buzz on them.

But coming back to the first movie, which i consider the least bad, since it’s the only one to have some kind of structure even though it’s still a pretty bad movie. For better or worse it established the characters, the conflict and even has kind of interesting resolution, which from what i heard is similar to the book but that’s besides the point.

But it’s also the one that showcases all the problems of the series, more than the toxic relationship the issues with screenplay and direction. From an artistic level, E. L. James should not have been part of the adaptation, as we can see her involvement with all this has made the movies even more and more unwatchable from just a stupid valentines movie. I know the topic of film adaptation is very complex one with authorial intent from the writer and the director to the fans of that “art” piece, but this lady is incapable to translate her fanfic into film language.

All three movie has a fanfic base: filled with episodic situation that come out nowhere, cyclic ending to return to the status quo, and characters whose actions and feelings have excessive details but that ironically never further their development.

If with divide the first movie: the first and third acts are too small and forced, showing that the producers wanted to go the action as quickly as possible. And as a low point we have another argument between the characters. Returning to the formula fanfic mold it’s the following: Ana and Christian have and fight for some stupid thing, then he tries to calm the situation with a gift and finally an awkward sex scene happens.

From the second movie this formula becomes even more prevalent and a narrative becomes non-existent. All three movies are filled with sex scenes terribly exposed, badly shot, that don’t cause any pleasure but produce distasteful disgust, it just meat for the exposure of meat. Even porn directors try to not fall in this. There also consecutive when we are not the boring and unbelievable drama.

On the episodic narrative or whatever at this point. The trilogy goes for events that have not effect on the center conflict they just create fake tension similar to it’s mother The Twilight Saga. In the second movie as a low point we have Christian to have a helicopter crash that has no set up, but I guess we need some “tension” and extend the film’s timerun.

Now with the recent third movie is the absolute worst in every regard, it’s almost as everyone working on it wanted to get over with it.

Let’s go now the villains or so-called as such. In the first movie we don’t have an antagonist, it’s much more concern with the relationship with Ana and Grey, giving it much more personal theme. In Darker we have an ex-submissive of Grey, it really has no relevance to the story or the character’s relationship, there isn’t even a punishment for her trying to kill Ana, is just another self-fulfilling way to establish how desired Grey is. The other antagonist is Elena, Grey’s “friend” (abuser) who he has seen besides everything, again, nothing changes just another women being crazy about Christian.

Finally there is Jack the villain of the third movie, besides another women but she’s irrelevant. The character is so fanficy that his abilities are expanded to further future conflict and dynamics on the main couple, also as every male character is push to the extreme away so Christian can be seen as not that bad.

There isn’t much to say about Fifty Shades Freed that in can say about the other two. Beside “problematic” issues with the story, my concerns come with how the story was told and the characters presented and developed. And how fanfics have not buried the book industry but apparently the film industry. No, i don’t have any issue with people writing stuff inspired with others creations and give them twisted points of view and upload them free on the internet, but to seek money for them eh… I don’t know about that.

It this is your thing, okay, I get why these stories are appealing, but could we have at least a believable conflict and a well crafted movie?

2018 has been a really terrible year for films, more on the same but somewhat more annoying. And the things that are good tend to be controversial for stupid reasons, and looking to some films offers, one has to question “how was this greenlighted?”, “how is it that of millions of screenplays waiting a chance THIS was selected?” and so on. I guess the answer is pretty obvious but the spine is still there. But hey! Not everything is bad, one has always doubts about its own work as it’s bad or stupid, but then you what the industry is doing and suddenly it comes to you: “Maybe my stuff isn’t that bad, maybe I might have a chance…“

Red Sparrow (2018) & 12 Strong (2018) – Double Movie Review

I’m sorry I’ve been lost, more for laziness than anything else. But i’ll try to move on as quick as i can. There is also the fact that i haven’t been in a movie theater up until Incredibles 2.

But looking back on some of the films I saw months ago, to advance more quickly I might review them in a double pack.

Red Sparrow

Red Sparrow, let’s start with this one, is pretty boring basically. It’s almost quite sad since the first scene is wonderful and beautiful. To bad the rest of it never reaches that level again. This is the typical russian spy movie, with all the plot twists and characters, and actions as is expected.
I can really tell if the kids trained to be killer prostitutes, is an actual thing since everything in this movie goes from stupid to downright laughable. Is almost as if Francis Lawrence is on it’s pretentious way to make his own unique movie with ideas from Pasolini’s Salo, mixed with James Bond, mixed with the Hunger Games, mixed with… I don’t know Sucker Punch?.

Jennifer Lawrence has received some praise for her acting but i don’t see anything good perse, her expression range is limited. She tries to stand up from everyone, but her character is so bland and uninteresting to even care. The rest of the cast goes on the same, maybe Charlotte Rampling’s performance is quite good, Matthias Schoenaerts deserves better and Joel Edgerton is the hot “american”, yeah sure whatever.

The only saving grace is the cinematography and some parts of the editing. Obviously the film is filled with pretty and striking reds, with some interesting shots. But that’s about it, is nothing like Prisoners where you might think the cinematography may not be pretty at first until you study the whole thing.

Oh, and I almost forgot about the gore and sex scenes. Some said the left the theater, come on it’s not really anything shocking. It’s mostly boring with a “is there a point to this?” face throughout the whole thing.

12 Strong

12 Strong tells the story based on a book that is based on a mission of troop on the Afghanistan war.

Okay, so we have a war movie, we have explosions, patriotism, we have country tensions, we have western horseriding, we have sexy Thor. So what’s the problem? it’s fucking boring!

I was impressed on how bland, and predictable and uninteresting this movie was. I look pretty decent, the performances and pretty okay for the most part, but it mostly feels as a checklist war movie.

Some people have issues with films like American Sniper due controversial points of view. But that movie was good, and kind of heartwarming and we are talking about a movie with a fake baby on it.

To be honest, this not worst movie ever and maybe i might forget the lack of entrainment if it was accurate, so it could work as a pseudo documentary. And i kind is, but seriously, the main character is Chris Hemsworth. Not to say the man is a bad actor but it’s clearly a commercial hottie that didn’t change his appearance at all, unlike Bradley Cooper and it’s quite distracting.

It frustrates me because there is a good movie and even a very engaging one. But it lacks a main character, no, really it does. There little to not interacting with the characters that isn’t your typical war talk in films and by the time we something is very late. What i mean is… what is the point? what is the theme of the movie? why tell this story if it’s not doing anything new?

I don’t know and don’t care at all.

Also, i fucking love how the real troop consisted of just white dudes. While the movie version has a diverse cast with a black soldier (not so great use of my Trevante Rhodes) and a hispanic one (and as always, as the homie).

Love, Simon (2018) – Review

WARNING:SPOILERS

To an extent I did not hate this movie, in fact i quite enjoy it. It has nice moments, it’s the teen movie since forever but with a gay character, that seemed like an interesting idea. However, after thinking about it and how much of an impact has made on the LGBT community is kind of impressive, but when it comes to gay male community is actually a different story.

In fact when I saw this movie I was the only male in the audience, most of it were young women that wouldn’t be anything particularly special. BUT, I notice that the ones loving this film are girls and I can see why, and now I understand my concerns with it.

Well to start, the film has two big problems, the first one is that is utterly predictable. You can spot a mile away every twist and character motivation, there is a liar reveal, the is the “omg he is gay moment” and all that. Also the first scene is filled with exposition narration, completely unnecessary, why is this still a thing? I mean, I know is the teen movie just gay, but guys, a little more originality would be nice, look at Ladybird. This makes the film not very memorable, I mean what makes the film special or unique… besides being about a gay person? Yeah, nothing.

Now, you might say – “hey that’s what I want to have the hollywood formulas but with queer people, we need representation” – Which fine I’m okay with that, i guess there is nothing wrong with it.

But my second and my biggest issue (and not going to lie a personal one) with the movie is with this line “i’m just like you”…

Ohhhh

Okay, here’s a thing… no Simon, you’re not like me! And that the main issue here it’s very “first worldly”. It’s kind of hard to relate to a character with a perfect mother (she is a therapist for god’s sake), perfect handsome dad who only does gay jokes, a sister who wants to be a chef, and he has perfect & diverse friends. I mean is there a conflict here? Oh right, you want to come out! And even if your loved ones will accept you easily, you won’t do it because you don’t want to.

And you know what? that is great! You don’t have to come out if you don’t want to, that could and interesting point of view (but of course politically incorrect). But this a quirky “role model” movie so we got to find an “antagonist”, not a homophobe nazi (that would be triggering) but a shenanigans to make the character come out as gay. Things happen and he breaks up with his friends and I actually wanted to stay this way, I mean dude you will meet new people in college. But again we need to have a “feel good” ending (god, that f*cking ending, but will get to that later). Hell even one of his classmates who is also gay and suffers homophobia (actual homophobia) tells him about his problems and it’s more relatable.

What did I like about the movie? Well the “romance”, which didn’t felt like at all but I moreover like the mystery about the other guy. I like how Simon imagines who he might be and daydreams about it, also helps him to come out as well. If he was openly gay just not publicly from the beginning and had his secret affair on chat, this might be more interesting and relatable than “my perfect and boring family and friends can’t know that i’m gay because… drama” again, this could have worked but not with this execution.

I also like the scene where Simons explains that his is the one who should choose the right moment to say about his identity. And I also kind of like the scene with his dad.
That jewish boy was kind of cute… alright let’s go back to bitching.

That blog chat is such an embarrassment. Okay, since they didn’t have that rights to Facebook apparently, they have a school blog where everybody post stuff about others to mostly laugh at them (you know like in the real world) and exclusive to the highschool I want point that out, because even Simon’s little sister knows about it and has account why? I don’t f*cking know, i just an excuse to cry when she discovers he is gay. That is where everybody knows about Simon’s sexual orientation. It just so lame, like who does that? and why would the ultra perfect good guys would spy on other people? That doesn’t seem to fit into Simon’s character. Now this also leads to the topic of “coming out” as a gossip and morbid thing for people, which is a thing and could to an interesting commentary… the movie never goes there.

As far as performances go, nothing is special but nothing bad either except for Tony Hale, who does the most cringes, creepy embarrassing character in the movie. Every time he’s on screen you just want to turn your head to the other side, he almost feels that he is gay and has a thing for Simon, that how bad it was.

Also there are homophobic bullies, who are just chimps no one takes them seriously, even for most of the school are just looking at them as the weird ones. And their fate is that the principal tells them to say sorry to Simon and the other gay character I can’t remember and that’s how it ends. Yeah, that how it works in the real world, or at least it does in this perfect diverse upper middle class neighbour ugh! See my problems here? There is no conflict!, no actual homophobes, no racial tensions or class tensions everything’s pretty and perfect.

After this I’m starting to see the positives about Moonlight, which, I didn’t think was all that great but my god! Is way more interesting and real that I give it credit for. And don’t get me started with I dreamed in another language, which i saw the next day.

And finally the ending, yeah it’s the worst one of 2018 so far, and that even includes The Untamed (and boy can I harp in every little thing in that shitstorm of a movie).
So, after everything is resolved, Simon waits for his one true love at a local fair, so obviously that one true love will come at the near end.
Sounds cute enough, right? well it would be it that wasn’t the event of the year, everyone from school is with him cheering. What? Like seriously, who would want that? Leave him here, don’t you think being surrounded by too people might freak out the guy?
I just so cheesy for me, and not the good cheesy.

I notice that lots of people, in particular girls and straight guys like the movie because it doesn’t “sexualize the gay dudes”. Which confirms the awful truth that they simply can’t stand gay sex in movies. I’m sorry that is a true fact.

Well kind of, this movie won best kiss on the MTV Awards, I can see the fangirls fapping over it and latter complain in tumblr about lesbian porn, ugh…

This is a great gay movie… for kids, that’s all I’m going to say. Hey! That’s not a bad compliment actually.

Eight cinema classics that I haven´t seen… yet

All of us have our favorite movies, the ones we hate, and the ones we don´t care about. But there are also the ones we haven’t seen, big deal right? But life isn’t too long to see everything and when you are in film school there is a weight to the cultural background you should have, I’m not even going with books or music.

But well there might be time to appreciate the films I haven’t seen, so without shame here are the classics that for whatever reason have not seen yet.

8- Trainspotting (1996)

A cult classic, from what i´ve seen it´s about a group of drug addicts pissed at the system. It’s shown in many films school for a reason, not in mine though, it’s definitely on my watch list. Even though Boyle´s film carrer hasn´t go anywhere since this movie.

7- The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

An american classic and rank as the best movie in IMDB. I always had this impression being about nice message melodrama, not a bad thing but meh… Prejudices aside, let’s see if my ideas about it are true or not.

6- Apocalypse Now (1971)

Coppola´s four hour epic, i´ve seen production notes, documentaries, shots and I’m impressed but it’s production design pre-CGI. War movies tend to be between beautiful patriotic cinema and questionable propaganda, I’ll see how this one fallows.

5- Goodfellas (1990)

Scorsese´s greatest films as some say, the ultimate mob movie, it’s like boys watch Scarface and men watch Goodfellas. De Niro has one of his greatest performance as well as Pesci and Liotta before his disappearance.

4- 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Saying which one of Kubrick’s films is the best one is a task, but this is the most influential, the game changing cinema masterpiece, it’s the one I have the most guilt for not seeing it yet. But this is it´s 50 anniversary, there are possibilities for a re-released in theaters, what better time to enjoy it for the first time.

3- Schindler’s List (1993)

There is something strange on Holocaust movies there either super melodramatic or to subtle. I understand there are many ways to tell stories in that era especially now when being a neo nazi is more popular than hating pineapple on pizza. And another thing is Spielberg himself where his works tend to be more safe. But I love Finnes and the cinematography from it in a few scenes i´ve seen, lets see if the masterpiece title is deserved.

2- Scarface (1983)

The male movie apparently, I remember being my classmates favorite in middle school and high school. I never get behind to view it. But, over the years curiosity is gaining on me.

1- Pulp Fiction (1994)

Probably the most watched from this list, the creator of memes and reference jokes, one of the staples of modern pop cultures. But… I just don’t have an interest in seeing it, i know i deserved to die, whatever. I´ll end up watching it for the sake of it, but it goes without saying that i´m not a Tarantino fan, his movies are fun and all but… one of the greatest directors? Not so sure, but maybe i´m actually losing something from not seeing this movie yet.

EDIT: I forgot number 2, I know big shame, the price for doing this at midnight.

The Hurricane Heist (2018) – Review

I remember when disaster movies not being good particularly but at least being entertaining and focusing on the actual disaster. Because this latest hurricane movie isn’t about the phenomenon but a rescue mission to stop a bunch of thieves from stealing from the “American Vault”.

The movie is laughable on its premise that a bunch of random guys steal money from the government, that they use a hurricane alert to distract everyone and take advantage of it, yeah, I’m sure anyone will risk their lives like that. That anyone from the towns folk visits the base and the guards like they are friends. Or how the baddies can beat the Us army in there but can’t find a stupid tablet.  

I can go on and on with more logical inconsistencies in the film. So I can move on to other stuff like the special effects. This “thing” is visually atrocious, the cinematography is wrong, the colors are awful, the sets and locations look fake, the money looks fake, the weather changes felt like a cheap phone app filter, and there is nothing redeemable from the sound.

Next it’s the acting, Toby Kebbell is just a disgrace in every level, I almost feel bad for the guy… almost. Maggie Grace is your generic strong, independent, womyn® love interest. The bad guys are each one more terrible than the previous one. Ryan Kwanten (I google their names cause I don’t know who these people are and will probably forget about them later) plays Kebbell’s brother and does nothing other than stupid jokes. Both also have a family bond subplot that goes nowhere, there is point where i think the filmmakers go “Wait guys, remember that scene from the beginning? Well, we need to used it somehow”.

But I guess they were more worried about political commentary, of course we need to have that in a stupid movie like this. The film is a muddle mess so many things are happening that at the end nothing happens so nothing matters. The creators didn’t care to choose a theme or a concept so why should I even care?

Also this thing is like 45% at Rotten Tomatoes, FORTY-FIVE PERCENT are you kidding me?